If I Never Write Again

Simple Sue's incomplete thought of the day: 

Writing is not what I do, it's who I am. I've been writing out poems and thoughts since I was old enough to hold a pencil, long before I could even spell words. It's the only part of my identity that I've never questioned, never doubted. It's the only thing about me I've ever been truly confident about. 

I held on to everything I ever wrote. Notebook after notebook, pages full. Some unfinished some final draft and ready to go in my book. I had enough writings to fill at least 3 books. 

Now I don't even have enough to fill, "What if its a Leap Year". These are things I can never replace. Its more than just words on paper. It's my whole life story. It's the best part of me. It's who I've been, who I am and who I hoped to be. 

Now its all gone. I feel like a ghost of myself. I feel so lost. 

Im trying to stay busy so I don't have time to think about it too much. Im not ready to sit with those feelings yet. I walk around and it feels like there's so much of me missing that everyone should be able to see that I'm no longer me, just a phantom. But they don't see. They still talk and laugh and look at me like I'm still here, still me. 

Poems would roll off me efortlessly. Sometimes I'd wake up in the night and have to write to get words out of my head. I've not had any desire to write since the fire, no words demanding to be released from my head. 

I can't help but wonder, what if I never write again? What if the last poem I wrote, is the last poem I'll write? Who am I, if I'm not a writer? ​

By Simple Sue

From: United States